beautifully broken

I’m currently in such an intimate season with the Lord. It’s like no other intimacy I’ve ever experienced before. I’m waking up every morning not just knowing that He’s with me but feeling that He is with me; right beside me throughout the day. I talk to Him as if He’s there. I joke with Him. I laugh with Him. I cry with Him. I plead with Him. I walk with Him. Tapping into that intimacy is incredible. It took awhile to get there. Intimacy is a process and it takes a while. Months ago, I would’ve felt weird, but I wasn’t willing to be close just yet. Father wasn’t ready to reveal Himself to me with the heart I once had.

He’s really been hitting me with acts of service and what that looks like today and in my future. He’s totally broken me for true compassion upon people and my future holds many opportunities to have sincere compassion upon His children. I know as a nurse, you have to be compassionate…that’s like the definition of Florence Nightingale. But, God has placed a compassion inside of me that will go beyond a textbook definition. He’s defining it in me to do great things. And, I’m excited. I’ve already been told at the hospital not to allow my compassion to exceed it’s limits because I will just be taken advantage of by my patients. It hurt my feelings. But the Lord quickly reminded me of the fact that I’m ultimately working for him; for his glory, not anyone else’s.

In order to play out these acts of service to their fullest, they require a spirit of kindness. But, before I can be kind to anyone else to it’s fullest, I must be kind to myself. A genuine kindness. I think we’re probably our worst critics. That’s not kindness to self. Kindness to self is loving self. Here’s how Father is teaching me is looks like:

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.

Loving myself is:

1. Being patient with myself in times of failure.
2. Being kind to myself when I mess up or makes mistakes.
3. Never being jealous of someone else; it only brings me down.
4. Not becoming proud or rude because I’ve done something wonderful. It’s being grateful because the Lord allowed it to happen and gave me the strength to accomplish something that makes HIM proud.
5. Not dishonoring myself by dismissing the gifts God has given me and never using them.
6. Not in a selfish way; where I only love myself and do not display the love that overflows to others.
7. Being gentle with self; not becoming angry at myself if something goes wrong.
8. Not keeping any record of wrong. Again, if I make a mistake, I move on. I don’t beat myself up about it.
9. Delighting in the true things the Lord says about me.
10. Protecting myself by valuing myself.
11. Trusting in myself by trusting what the Lord has placed inside of me.
12. Being hopeful. Hope=confident expectation.
13. Preserving myself. Keeping myself safe from things I know will harm me.
14. Never placing myself in a failure category. If I give up on myself, I fail. There is nothing that can be done through me if I lose faith in myself. This is the full circle back to patience.

In order to share all these things with others, I must share them with myself. Learn them. Have these qualities dwell in my spirit. That is loving myself. That is how to receive love and give love.