I'm so excited to be sitting down and writing! I haven't done it in quite awhile and it's helping me reconnect to a piece of my roots down deep in my soul. Right now, it's 3:40 in the morning, I had the night off work and I'm thrilled to be chilling in my comfy bed. Candles lit. Diet coke by my side. Just polished off some homemade chocolate cookies I made. Brooke Fraser playing. Perfect.
I've worked the last five nights in a row. Now, I know you regular work day people are probably laughing at me, but five 12-14 hour shifts at the hospital...in a row...oh my word! It about killed me. But, I survived. And, brought in a little weekend pay as well as holiday pay! So, my bank account will think it was worth it. Now that it's all over with, and I have a bit of a break before my next shift, I'm thankful for the time I was there. I mean, I spent 60+ hours with the same patients all weekend. I got to know them. I knew their exact needs. I knew their preferences. Recently, I've been praying for Father to give me the opportunity to just slow down at work, and have actual time to have a conversation with my patients, or even just one patient for that matter. And this long weekend, I had just that opportunity...and then some. :)
What Father taught me the past five days is just wanting to leap out of my soul, so I must share! He taught me the importance of thanking people. The importance of being kind. The importance of respecting people no matter what. And, the importance of selflessness, no matter what you may be going through. You may feel as if you are in the worst situation possible, but you have no idea what others may be going through...and they may be right next to you.
The long workathon started off with a total of five patients. Not too shabby when we can have up to seven (which randomly happened over the weekend, but we'll stick with these original five I started out with so we're not confused). We'll start with the story of the butt hole. Yes, I said butt hole because that's what he was...except I used the other word for butt a few times when I was referring to him. So, we'll refer to him as BH.
BH was admitted to our unit the first night of my workathon. He had already been all over the hospital for weeks...trauma, ICU, etc, etc...then to us. BH was in a motorcycle accident. BH was driving this motorcycle drunk and high. They thought he'd be paralyzed. But, BH was not paralyzed. That's good. However, BH liked to pretend like he was paralyzed. BH was a middle aged mama's boy. His mama was there the whole weekend, acting all spastic, writing down everything I said, every med I gave...etc, etc. I mean, I can respect that to some extent, but really. Woman was gettin' on my nerves! BH also liked his pain and anxiety meds and knew the exact time everything was due. So, since BH was new to our floor, I did not know this about him. So, let's just say I was about 10 minutes late with BH's morphine and I got cussed out. And not just with his hateful words, but his hateful eyes. Plenty of times he told me I was worthless. He was a very broken man. I just blew it off and did as he asked. I gave him water to drink, fed him, put medicine in his mouth, held the dang hand held urinal for him while he peed, and moved him any time he was uncomfortable. I even knew that this man liked to have the end of a washcloth rolled in between his pinky fingers. I eventually learned what everything meant when he asked for it. "Fix my arms"=grab his hand and lift the elbow at the same time and pull the arm down while not overextending the shoulder. I did all those things. I did all those things while being cussed out. I did all those things while being told I was worthless. I did all those things and never once, in the five days I was with him, was I told thank you. Not once. I eventually learned that when I asked, "Is everything settled and okay now...anything you need before I leave?" and he answered, with an attitude, "Good God, whatever...I guess."......I knew that that meant, "Yes I'm fine. Thanks, Katie." BH had me in his room just about every hour, which would have been fine but I had four other people to care for.
While I held my tongue and gave BH the best care I could provide, I wish he knew that he wasn't the only one with problems. I wish he knew that the patient on one side of him had just had a liver transplant after being sick for years and this man talked to me about the love of Christ and thanked me for EVERY thing! I wish he knew that on the other side of him, was a young man with autuism who's parents abandoned him when he was born and all he had was this older lady that stayed with him 24/7. I wish BH knew that the autistic boy said nothing but "Thaaaaanks sweeeethaaaaurt" every time I left his room. I wish BH knew that two doors down from him I was consulting a woman who was admitted because her right hand was shaky and she just didn't feel like herself...only to found out that she has a frontal brain tumor. This lady was admitted Friday night and had the brain surgery yesterday (Tuesday) morning to have the mass removed. I wish BH knew that three doors down from him was an 80+ year old lady that had had a stroke and could no longer speak. She was all alone. I had to crush her meds, feed them to her in applesauce. As BH's strength was increasing in his arms and legs, this lady's was not. She couldn't speak or move. I fed her. Gave her water. Combed her hair. Changed her diapers. I wish BH knew those things. But, he didn't.
My heart hurt for him. He had family with him. He had a nurse taking care of him, learning his needs. And not once did he ever say thank you. Just about every morning on my way home from work, I'd cry. At first, I'd cry because he was mean to me and hurt my feelings. Then, I began to cry out to Father for him. My heart hurt for him. It hurt for his ungratefulness. I prayed for Father to lay that warm blanket of His sovereignty over him allowing him to recognize that things are out of our control and that no matter how angry he'd get, it didn't change things. It can't change his motorcycle accident. It can't change the fact that he was drunk and high while driving the motorcycle. It can't change his past actions. But that blanket can change the root of his issue: being separated from the Almighty. God is in control. He is sovereign, He is the Almighty. Oh my heart hurts knowing he doesn't know Him. And, I plead that all he saw in me was Christ. That was my goal. It wasn't to act all high and mighty, like I'm better than him. It wasn't even to get a "thank you". It was to show him even a glimpse of light. I want him to wonder what's inside of me. I want him to want the same thing for himself. To know Father. To treat His children with kindness. To be grateful.
And I knew, there was no need to cause resistance. Father specifically told me to keep my mouth shut and care for this man. He told me there was no need to confront and argue with him because that fight......it's already been won on the cross. BH's sin towards me has already been paid for.
So, from all this. I've learned that the words "thank you", could change a person's entire day. Use them, no matter what you're going through. And on the flip side, continue to treat people with kindness and loyalty, even if they are a total BH. :)
Proverbs 3:3 "Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart."
According to the dictionary, "hope"=a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. I love the word hope. To me, it's that feeling of mystery; not knowing what's to come. It's exciting! To some people, hope may not always be exciting because you don't know what's going to happen on the other side of this mysterious feeling. It could be something bad. It could be life changing, in an inconvenient way. Instead, this exciting feeling turns to a bundle of nerves and anxiety.
The good news is hope is not intended for nerves, anxiety, and especially not for worry. Our personalities are so intricately designed that we have the privileged of feeling hope, the way God intended us to feel it. So, what does that look like?
Hope in the world = expectation
Hope in God = confident expectation
Whenever I think of confident expectation, I break it down as literally confidently expecting the Lord to act on my behalf. Does that mean that what I am hoping for will happen? Not always, BUT that's where the confidence really kicks in. I am confident in my Father. He will provide. He will take care of me. He knows everything I need. So, if what I'm hoping for doesn't happen, it's His will for it not to happen and I'm okay with that. Does it mean that what I'm hoping for will never happen? Not necessarily...
Romans 8:24-25: We were given this hope when we were saved. If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.
The Lord knows the desires of our hearts. He wants to fulfill those desires when the time is right to bring Him the most glory. If you know God has called you to do something or promised you something but it hasn't happened yet, confidently expect it will happen! Wait patiently and confidently.
Hope and trust go hand in hand and this is my prayer for you: Romans 15:13:
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Hold on to what God's promised you. He is faithful. He will provide. You must trust and confidently hope and expect that He will act!
I haven't blogged in over a month so I thought I'd do a little life update! I've missed writing and blogging about it. Hopefully things will settle down soon and I can get back to it!
Well, my last post was about a book review. Oh, to blog about books again! That seems so long ago. That was when I was between finishing school and the beginning of my nursing career. So, I definitely had more time on my hands. The last two months have been a whirlwind really, so here it goes:
- May 9th--graduated nursing school (WHOOO!) and spent fabulous time with my man (even better!).
- May 17th--first job interview out of school and then that same afternoon, found out I was accepted to USC Upstate to go back to school (I still don't know what I'm thinking just yet...I'll let you know in August).
- May 28th--took my State Nursing boards (most nervous day of my life!).
- May 30th--Found out I passed my boards!
- June 2nd--Accepted the job offer as a Neurology nurse at Spartanburg Regional.
I started my job on June 28th and so far, I'm really enjoying it! It's such a big change from nursing school (textbook/perfect world nursing) to real world nursing. The adjustment will definitely take some time and the fact that I actually have a voice and I'm respected for my judgement and opinion. Oh, and the fact that I'm getting paid! Whhhhaaat?! Y'all have to understand that I went from not working at all the last year so I could solely focus on school (thanks mom and dad) to making a nurse's salary. What a blessing!
My schedule has been swamped due to working 12's and also having to attend all these orientation classes, continuing education classes, etc. Once I'm set on just my three days a week, hopefully I can blog more and cook more. I'm sure I'll at least have some awesome patient stories that we can laugh and cry about.
And just a little spill about what God's speaking into me lately: Proverbs 3:3 "Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart." Everywhere I go and everything I do, loyalty and kindness must stay with me. I am constantly reminding myself and speaking it over me all throughout the day. I'm trying to be loyal in all of my words, by following through with loyal actions. And, kindness to someone can change their entire day, y'all! Be kind to one another. It makes all the difference.
Happy Monday! :)
I just finished up reading a phenomenal summer read titled, "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I definitely recommend it. The book is based out of Jackson, Mississippi in the early 1960's. The book has an entire cast of characters but mainly focuses on three in particular:
It really is difficult to describe the greatness of this book but I must say that reading it is a must for this summer! But the icing on the cake is that it's being made into a movie that will be out in August. Here's the preview:
Psalm 103:12
"He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west."
I read this yesterday morning and took time to really think about it. I can read and stare at it all I want to. Every time I've read this, I always get that song stuck in my head. And, it's not even a favorite of mine.
So, I tried to be still. To be quiet. This is what I got:
separated
When we ask for forgiveness of sin, it's forgotten. It's as far from you as the east is from the west. You're separated from it. And when you're separated from it, it's AWAY from you. When it comes back to us, it's because we allow it back in. If there's something you feel like you're constantly battling, remember that by the power of Christ, you're separated from it. If it comes back, you brought it back. Have the mindset that you're SEPARATED from it. It doesn't belong to you anymore. It's not meant to stick to you.
That's why each day is new. His mercies are new. What you did yesterday and asked for forgiveness for today, is separated from you. It can't touch you. It's as far as the east is from the west.
Remember too, that, this whole separation of sin goes to those that have hurt us as well. If you've forgiven someone for hurting you, have you really forgiven them? Have you separated that sin, that hurt, they caused you. When you look at that person, do you look at the sin they committed against you still? This one is much more difficult. But, if we are to forgive someone for something they've committed wrongly against us, we are to separate that sin from them. Look at that person in a whole new light, just as Christ looks at you as you radiate.
You radiate because you're separated from darkness.
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